


A Mistake [Moxiety]

by Sammy_is_obsessed



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst/Fluff, F/M, Human AU, M/M, MPREG virgil, Mpreg, Romantic Fluff, anxiety mention, it's brief tho - Freeform, like one line, mention of depression, moxiety - Freeform, pregnant Virgil, romantic moxiety, slight mention of self-harm, still good 'ol fluff, yes I know it's weird but I've been reading too much of it and I got an idea for a fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 18:49:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15297756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammy_is_obsessed/pseuds/Sammy_is_obsessed
Summary: He knew he should have confessed to Patton the truth. No matter, Virgil stowed his secret away, unprepared to confess the truth to him. He took birth-control pills, always double and triple checking if he’d taken them. He put them in an unlabeled bottle, explaining to Patton that they were “for heartburn.” He really did hate lying to Patton and he knew that if his boyfriend knew the truth he would scold him for it, but in his mind, he was simply being cautious. Protecting himself.One dreadful night after feeling so off for some time, Virgil was woken up with an extreme wave of nausea. Though he had been feeling different and hadn’t understood why it hadn’t yet made him ill that was about to change. He had torn the covers off of himself before rushing to the bathroom, practically collapsing in front of the toilet before vomiting everything he’d eaten for lunch and dinner. After a couple of minutes, Patton had stirred sleepily from the bed and wandered into the bathroom to find the sorrowing sight, bending down and rubbing calming circles into Virgil’s back as he spat up bile.





	A Mistake [Moxiety]

**Author's Note:**

> (A/N:) This is a human AU in which male pregnancies, though rare and only being present in somewhere around 15-20% of the male population, are not unheard of. In this world, it was a genetic mutation that was nature preserving in the face of an obstacle, which in this case would be the inability for a homosexual couple comprised of two males to conceive children. Male pregnancies for much of history, though their appearance dates back to over a 100 years ago, is still in many ways a slippery slope for science and something there is much to still be learned about. Though it is more common that the births are done through cesarean, natural birth is possible (I just bring this up so it's understood biologically and gives some context). Throughout the plights, the queer community has faced, and with the inequalities that were being fought against, carriers were fighting along-side them for the same things: understanding and acceptance into society. Carriers is what a man who is capable of becoming pregnant is called, and it is discovered whether or not a boy is a carrier when he is born, as there are certain characteristics that differ from non-carrier males, although to the untrained eye these differences are slight and may go unnoticed.
> 
> This is a human AU in which this genetic mutation is present in society, and, unbeknownst to Patton, Virgil is a carrier. The two are dating, as this is Moxiety. (Note that I got the term “carrier” from a Johnlock fic I have been reading here and I found it suitable. The fic is entitled “The Expectant Detective” if you want to give it a read if you happen to be in the Sherlock fandom. It is positively stunningly written.)
> 
> Now, I fully understand that many people are opposed to the idea of reading a “Mpreg” fic and if that is you, I fully understand and will say that this is not the oneshot for you. I get it, it’s weird and something I have had yet to delve into till just now, but I’ve been thinking about writing this for a few days now and the idea has finally won me over. Sorry in advance if this is really strange. Enjoy.

Third Person P.O.V:

Virgil felt … strange. Had felt strange for three consecutive weeks, in fact. He couldn’t pinpoint what the issue was; there didn’t seem to be any reason to be feeling differently, after all. Things were going incredibly well in his relationship, better than he ever could have imagined. God, when he thought back to the first time he’d seen the curly haired, freckled-faced, glasses-wearing, positively adorable man he was lucky enough to call his boyfriend he couldn’t help but smile.

Jesus had he been nervous when they’d gone out on their first date. The two had been friends many months before Virgil had mustered up the tremendous amount of courage it took to ask Patton out, with some assistance from his friends Logan and Roman who had introduced the pair in the first place. Virgil really did feel indebted to those two for what they had done for him. They couldn’t stand to see him suffer the way he had been, Virgil supposed. God, it felt as if he would shatter into a million pieces each time Patton had entered the room at the time. And no matter how much self-doubt and anxiety held him back, somehow, he’d perceived and overcome much of it. That was one thing Virgil was rather proud of in himself. 

The moment he’d asked Patton out had turned into a confession of feelings, as mushy and gushy with emotions as he hadn’t wanted it to be. What could he say? He had been so nervous, it really couldn’t be helped. Even with how much he’d been stuttering and trembling once he’d gotten the words out Patton had wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into a bone-crushing hug before proceeding to smatter his face with a ridiculous amount, of kisses, expressing just how much his feelings were reciprocated. Though Virgil had an aversion to most physical contact such as that, it had felt strangely … comforting. It was nice, Virgil was sure of that, and a nice he could get used to. 

It didn’t take long at all before the term “boyfriend” was used and thought it was all rather overwhelming for Virgil, he’d quickly gotten past the fright it gave him and surrounded himself with the cozy, grounding feeling that Patton’s pretense provided him with. He basked in the comfort that was being allowed to hold Patton so constantly, to press his lips to his boyfriends’. To lay with him, to touch him. It constantly felt surreal. Astoundingly so. Because, somehow, Patton had become his and he was Patton’s. In a matter of very little time, they had confessed that they truly loved each other. Virgil had never felt so safe, so calm in a relationship. In all honesty, he hadn’t ever felt this way period.

And he was so fucking scared that somehow, he would go and ruin it. 

Of course, this was ridiculous, Patton loved him to the moon and back, after all. But even with that being so, sometimes there is no reasoning with insecurity and so he was constantly plagued with the fear that Patton wouldn’t stay. It was terrifying, to say the least, imagining Patton coming to the realization that he could, in fact, do better than Virgil. Much better. 

With this nagging feeling inside of him tugging at his heart, he began harboring the irrational thought that he needed to prove his worth. He began constantly bombarding Patton with displays of random affection. Drawing out long, heated kisses to show that he could be passionate, as passionate as any other man. Showering Patton with attention, appreciation, and praise. It felt as if he was constantly crying out: I’m good! As good as any other. Please, please, please don’t replace me! I can be loyal, as loyal as you desire me to be. Just please, oh god, don’t leave me. Don’t come to your senses and realize that I’m no good. No good at all. I love you so incredibly deeply that I might surely die if you decide to go away. I don’t know what in the world I’d do with myself if you did. Please … 

Sadly, that was what Virgil sincerely believed, that he was no good. And certainly not for Patton of all people. Patton Foster was an extremely affectionate man, one who was almost concerning kind and always saw the good in others. He was loving and had a sense of childlike wonder. He loved people and could make friends with anyone if he only tried. He was always smiling, constantly laughing. In many instances, it felt as if Patton was the personification of sunlight itself. 

Virgil didn’t feel he was anything like that. He was cautious, uneasy to trust people. It took a profoundly long time for you to gain his trust and even then, he was weary. Virgil didn’t see the good in the world, hell, how could he when he’d seen so much of its ugliness? In high school, he was not only bullied severely for being gay, but also for being a carrier. He never did find out how it had been discovered; it wasn’t like he was going about announcing it as the truth. But once the news had gotten out, it spread with the vigilance and cruelty of a fatal disease. He was not only deemed an “emo faggot” but also “nature’s mistake”, among other hateful things. Simply because he was of the few of the male population who was capable of creating life, something that was supposed to be so overwhelmingly beautiful, he was outcasted from society. From the young age of sixteen and onward, he had grown a fowl resentment for his carrier status. His mother had called his ability to carry a child a gift, but Virgil only saw it as a handicap. A mistake that though he was hellbent on fixing, could do nothing about. In many instances, Virgil’s mind gave into the cruelty of others and decided to irrationally believe that he was a mistake. Life, for many years, was torturous. 

This was what had stolen away Virgil’s trust, making it so very difficult to be in relationships, or even partake in platonic friendships for that matter. Years of self-deprecation from his peers had whittled his confidence in himself down to almost nothing, making the fact that Patton wanted him incredibly shocking. Because it was incredibly difficult to fathom how someone so good and likable would want anything to do with him. Even when Patton emphasized that there was no need to “prove his worth” and he did that “just by being his” Virgil’s mind wouldn’t budge. 

It took a great deal of time, almost an entire years-worth of a relationship before Virgil came to the understanding that Patton was being truthful. He really didn’t need to do so much to show that he was good enough, even if he didn’t believe it. Because even when they fought – which was rare, truly, they agreed on a great many things – it never resulted in the breakup that Virgil had assumed was impending. Rather apologies were made by both parties and cuddles were shared. When Virgil made mistakes there was no ridicule, no anger or resentment. Patton handled things sensitively, staying by Virgil’s side and emphasizing that it would be okay. 

One of the most major things that he was sure would eventually frighten Patton away was the fact that Virgil was plagued with anxiety and panic attacks. His depression and crippling anxieties, though becoming much better with Patton around, were still an unmoving force. Unfortunately, it isn’t easy to suddenly shed away years of ridicule from your mind. The fading white lines on the insides of his arms and thighs as well as the mental scars would not be whisked away as if they had never been there at all, and he was so worried that their presence would be enough to take Patton away from him. It never was.

Because despite the hardship and the difficulty they faced, the two of them loved each other so, so much. In many ways, it felt like they had been built for each other, soulmates, or some other cliché explanation. Patton wouldn’t ever leave Virgil, would help him through anything if only he needed his assistance. He helped him calm down after severe attacks, holding him as he cried, speaking softly and rubbing slow circles on his back, kissing away his tears. 

In many ways it often times felt as though Virgil simply forgot that Patton too had his own set of insecurities in issues. Because even someone as perfect as him had demons. Everyone does, after all. Through much trial and error, Virgil had discovered that Patton’s sunny-disposition, though almost always truly present, could be exaggerated to say the very least. Patton was only human, so emotions such as sorrow and anger were not as alien to him as he let on. Before Virgil knew it, he was beginning to help Patton as much as his boyfriend had helped him. He was the one who had expressed to him that he didn’t need to be happy every second of the day and that other emotions were allowed of him. It seemed as though Virgil was the first one to tell Patton of this, though that couldn’t be so. Through their time together it had finally felt as though they completed each other and that both needed each other; it was incredibly relieving. 

Though Virgil’s fears were very much present, Patton being by his side could subdue them. Their lives only got better from there, the couple eventually deciding to move into an apartment together, Virgil’s first relationship that had lasted long enough to reach that point. The two were simply mad for each other and had been dating for almost three years, a steady comfort having settled between them, their love standing the test of time. They were about as open as a couple could be, telling each other everything. Well … almost everything.

There was one thing Virgil hadn’t told Patton: the fact that he was a carrier. He knew it was cruel to withhold such information, it was important after all, but Virgil couldn’t bring himself to tell Patton. Not after the torment he’d faced, he didn’t want to open an old wound, he just couldn’t do it. A major factor in this, however, was that the fact that Patton adored children. He always expressed that he would want to adopt some little ones, speaking with Virgil as if they were already a married couple. As for Virgil, he wasn’t sure what his stance was on children. He’d never allowed himself to think about if he did or didn’t want them; not when the fact that he could have biological children was seen as weakness, a defect to others. He was an extremely nervous and easily wound-up person, feeling that even if he did want kids, what kind of a father could be-be? Sometimes Virgil wondered if his stance on children being in a middle-ground place would worry Patton but really, it didn’t. Because perhaps Patton could tell that his boyfriend would eventually warm up to the idea with time, or he was so happy with Virgil that he could live without them. 

No matter, Virgil stowed his secret away. He took birth-control pills, always double and triple checking if he’d taken them. He put them in an unlabeled bottle, explaining to Patton that they were “for heartburn.” He really did hate lying to Patton and he knew that if his boyfriend knew the truth he would scold him for it, but in his mind, he was simply being cautious. Protecting himself.

One dreadful night after feeling so off for some time, Virgil was woken up with an extreme wave of nausea. Though he had been feeling different and hadn’t understood why, it hadn’t yet made him ill but that was about to change. He had torn the covers off of himself before rushing to the bathroom, practically collapsing in front of the toilet before vomiting everything he’d eaten for lunch and dinner. After a couple of minutes, Patton had stirred sleepily from the bed and wandered into the bathroom to find the sorrowing sight, bending down and rubbing calming circles into Virgil’s back as he spat up bile. 

“There you go, sunshine, get it all out. It’s going to be okay. You’ll be alright. Must be a stomach bug. I’m here, Virgey, it’s alright.” Patton had spoken so gently in the early hours of the morning, Virgil feeling weak once he’d finished and laid in his boyfriend’s lap frailly, Patton running his fingers through his hair and continuing to explain that he would be okay. And in the moment, that’s what Virgil had decided it was: a stomach bug. 

The only problem was, this didn’t end that night, nor did it end the following day. His illness stretched into a week so that Virgil had been taking time off from the music store he worked at and Patton was asking for fewer shifts at the Vet so that he could take care of his ailing boyfriend. Patton really was beginning to become worried about his boyfriend, but not nearly as worried as Virgil was for himself. He continued to over and over again mentally tell himself that what he was fearing wasn’t so – couldn’t be so. There was just no way, he was much too cautious. He had never missed a single pill, not one, he counted the jar just to make sure. And yet … the fear ate at him, consumed him. Because other explanations were being ruled out and this seemed to somehow, be a possibility. 

When Patton was at work Virgil slipped out, going to the nearby convenience store to purchase a pregnancy test. He hadn’t looked up from the ground the entire time the cashier was ringing him up, his eyes trained to the floor and hood pulled tight to hide the redness of his face. When he’d arrived home, Virgil had taken his time stalling before actually doing what was necessary, knowing worry would kill him if he didn’t know, even if he didn’t want to. Though the waiting only lasted minutes, it felt like days, Virgil’s trembling hand picking up the test only to find, to his utmost horror, that the sign was not negative. 

He was pregnant.

A shudder ran down his spine. His head felt light. He vomited once more. Virgil laid on the cold bathroom floor, his mind thick with thoughts, terrible thoughts. Patton’s going to leave me, was the most prevalent of the thoughts at the matter, his head practically screaming it. Though he’s aware Patton wants children, it was never discussed when. And now here they are, unprepared and Virgil has never been more terrified in all of his life. 

Because now, suddenly Virgil is thrown into the knowledge that he is harboring life, a life that he and Patton created. Now, all of that thinking about if he did or didn’t want children fills up his mind. This wasn’t what he intended, not even close, and all over again he feels like a mistake. 

Does he want this child? He shouldn’t, of course, he shouldn’t, he’s not fit to take care of a child, especially not if he ends up on his own. Oh god, he’s going to be all alone. He has such bad anxiety and has dealt with so much depression, a kid would be so complicated. He can’t do that. There’s no way he can. Then why, god why is he suddenly thinking about this as If he could have this baby. Raise this tiny human and take care of it and never, ever let them feel unloved or causeless like he did. No, no nononono. This isn’t right. He’s not supposed to be doing this.

“Virgey? Sunshine, where are you?” Patton’s voice rings out through the apartment, followed by the shutting of the door.

Oh, Jesus Fuck.

Virgil quickly shoves the test in his sweater pocket, feeling numbness spread through him. He raises a trembling hand to his cheek realizing that it's dampening. Only now is he aware that he’s been crying.

“Honey, are you alright? Where’d you get off to?” Patton’s voice is getting closer now, his footsteps now audible. He’s never desired to spontaneously become invisible as much as he does just now. Virgil curls in on himself, allowing more tears to spill from his eyes. He’s already crying, he decided, and it shows no signs of stopping. Might as well not try and pretend. The bathroom door creaks behind him followed by Patton’s soft “Oh!” He hears Patton lower to his knees and is suddenly curled in Patton’s lap, his back being rubbed soothingly. 

“Hey, hey sweetheart. Shh, Shh. I’ve got you. I’m right here. I’m sorry I … I shouldn’t have gone to work today. I should’ve taken care of you, shouldn’t I have, doll? Sorry.” Virgil shook his head wanting to voice his disagreement but right now no words are coming out, only tears. “Still feeling really bad today, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” Virgil muttered out through his tears, his eyeshadow running down his face, giving his tears a dark color.

“Tummy hurt?” Virgil nodded wordlessly, and Patton sighed. “Did you throw up today?” Virgil nods again. “Honey, I know you don’t like doctor’s visits, but I’m really getting worried here. You’ve been so sick, and we need to make sure it isn’t something serious. I’m begging to think that maybe –.”

“P-Patton there’s something I need to t-tell you …” Virgil’s trembling words cut through Patton’s speech. Patton paused, his eyes widening as Virgil sat up, his hand reaching for Virgil’s, which he realizes is trembling.

“Virgey, you’re shaking. Do you have a fever?” Patton’s hand hovers close but Virgil bats it away, igniting some surprise in his boyfriend.

“Pat … p-please, I-I need to tell you this. I-I should have a long time ago. I-I’m s-sorry but I-I was scared. I-I … I am scared.” Patton lowered his hand, worry flashing across his face before he nodded, eyes wide.

“Okay … okay, Virgil. Go ahead, nothing you could say would make me judge you, remember that.” Virgil let out a broken laugh, shaking his head.

“I don’t think that’s going to be true a-anymore – P-Patton I’m s-so sorry, I j-just … I didn’t know how to tell you this before. B-because I was so s-scared b-but n-now I need to. Pat ………. I’m a carrier.” Suddenly, Patton’s eyes light up, a wide smile speeding across his face, excitement immediately detectable as if, for a moment, he’d forgotten his ill condition.

“Oh, my goodness, really? You are? W-we can have kiddos?” Virgil nodded bitterly, his heart clenching. “Virgey why would you be afraid to tell me that? That’s so wonderful! We could be daddies! That’s just amazing!” Virgil sniffles, more tears running from his eyes. “… Virgil?”

“P-Pat …. I’m s-so sorry. I-I didn’t mean to. I-I didn’t mean f-for it to happen.” Patton cocked his head like a confused puppy. 

“Why, what’re you sorry for? What happened?” Virgil squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his fists together. 

“… P-Patton you are going to be a dad.” Patton blinked in confusion.

“What … I don’t – WAIT! Wait, wait, wait are you serious? A-are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Virgil reached a trembling hand into his hoodie pocket to retrieve the pregnancy test to show it to Patton, the object falling out of his shaking hands and skidding against the bathroom floor. “Oh, my goodness, really? Virgey, Virgey this is huge! That explains why you’ve been sick! Honey, you’re okay! Oh my goodness!” Suddenly he threw his arms around Virgil, squeezing him into a tight hug that lasted only a few seconds before he retracted, Virgil, shuddering and crying hard. “Virgey? sweetie, what’s the matter? Oh … oh, do … do you not want a baby?” Virgil began crying harder, trembling more vigorously, not able to answer. Patton’s face fell but he placed a hand on his boyfriends’ back, Virgil’s face in his hands.

“I-I …. I used birth control. I-I didn’t ever m-miss a p-pill but it didn’t work. I-I didn’t … I-I-I don’t … I-I know I s-should’ve told y-you …” Virgil trailed off, uncertainty dripping from his lips.

“Hey, hey Virgey, honey, look at me,” Patton instructed softly, cupping his lovers’ face in his hand, “It’s going to be alright. I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I’m sorry …. I-I shouldn’t have gotten so carried away. I know this isn’t something we’ve talked much about … and I really do wish you had told me you were a carrier …” Virgil winced, squeezing his eyes shut, “but I’m not mad at you, and this is whatever you want to do. The next course of action is all your choice, Virgil, and I will stand by whatever decision you make. I love you, so, so much, and nothing will ever change that. If you want some time to think, that’s just fine and I’ll -.”

“Iwanttokeepthebaby,” Virgil muttered out in a string of words that really came out so fast that it meshed into one long one, his cheeks a deep crimson, “I mean … I think. I mean … I-I don’t know. I-I’d be a lousy father.” Patton shook his head, still gripping Virgil’s cheeks in his hand.

“No, honey, please don’t say that. I know you’d be such a good dad, you’d protect a kiddo with all you’re might. I’m sure of that. Don’t think that you wouldn’t do an amazing job, you’re selling yourself too short, Virgey.” Virgil sniffled, tears running down his cheeks, dampening Patton’s hands, the sight of his lover so distraught like a knife to the heart.

“Y-you don’t know that.”

“I do, Virgil. I know that if this is something you wanted, you could do it, and you would be the best darn dad in the whole gosh darn world. You’d make that kiddo feel so special and you would show ‘em so much love and take care of them like they were one of the most important people out there.” Virgil felt his heart swell, shuddering as he moved away from Patton, curling against himself and burying his face in his knees.

“You don’t need to d-do that, you know,” Virgil spoke, his voice gravely and sad, “Say all those w-wonderfull things. This … this is going to be really freaking hard, a-and I don’t want t-to put you in a situation t-that you don’t want t-to be in. I-I won’t force you to stay, i-if you don’t wanna.” Virgil sniffled, shaking before suddenly he felt himself being scooped up into a tight hug, being held tightly, protectively against Patton’s chest. “P-Pat?”  
“Don’t you ever think that I would leave you because something got hard. I would never abandon you, Virgil. Not ever.” Patton’s voice had a rare edge to it, a serious tone that was almost startling, so void of his usual cheer, “I love you more than I’ve e-ever loved another person, and that’s saying something. I will not e-ever leave you because I’m afraid o-or I think it’s going to be a challenge. You’re the love of my life, o-okay?” Virgil felt his heart clench, more tears flooding his vision. 

“P-Pat I love y-you too. S-so much more than I c-can ever express. I-I could never have e-even wished for someone as good as you are. B-but you’re talking like we’re already m-married or something.” There was a stiffening moment of silence before Patton spoke.

“Then marry me.” Virgil felt a breath catch in his throat before pulling himself away from Patton, coughing with wide eyes, his heart rate having significantly picked up.

“W-what? W-what did you say?” He asked in a flighty tone. Patton smiled softly, reaching for Virgil’s hand and staring deeply into his tear-filled, black-eyeshadow-runny-eyes.

“I said: then marry me. T-that is if you w-want to, of course. I’m sorry I don’t have a ring right now, but we could get you a real pretty one. Virgil, I love you, more than anyone. You’re the one I want to be with, for forever, and it would be my honor if I could become your husband. It’d make me very … merry … if you said yes,” he said, his lips upturned into a smile. Virgil stared at him in shock as he tried to suppress a smile.

“P-Pat you don’t need to d-do this if it isn’t w-what you want. T-there’s no obligation, o-or pressure.”

“It is what I want if it’s what you want. I love you, no matter what, and I know this is spur of the moment, but honestly, I should’ve asked a long time ago. I don’t ever want to lose you. So … will you?” Patton asked, a tremor in his voice and his own tears welling behind his glasses. A shaky smile spread across Virgil’s lips as he nodded slowly, pressing a delicate, slightly tear-salted kiss to Patton’s lips.

“Y-yeah. I mean yes, I mean, of course, I-I’ll marry you,” Virgil muttered out, once again finding himself in Patton’s arms, both of them smiling and crying now as they held each other. A comfortable silence settled between them for a while aside from the excited kisses that Patton continued to press to Virgil’s face.

“So … you want to have the baby?” Patton asked, a little uneasily. Virgil sighed before nodding.

“I’m scared … but being with you, you’ll make it a lot less scary, I think. And what you said … it really got to me. It’s scary how reassuring you can be, but – it's good. I want to, though. I mean … there’s no guarantee that things won’t go wrong. There’s a lot of variables … positives …”

“Hey, don’t think like that right now. Let’s take things one step at a time, okay? Look on the bright side.” Virgil chuckled, having stopped crying.

“Only you could make me look on the bright side. The only bright side I tend to look towards is Mr. Brightside,” Virgil teased, his joke making Patton joke. 

“We’re going to be husbands …” Patton murmured, pressing a kiss to Virgil’s lips, Virgil kissing him back.

“We are.” Patton smiled, pressing a hand to Virgil’s stomach though there was nothing to feel – yet. 

“And there’s a tiny, itty-bitty little us in there. A tiny you and me, and we made it,” he spoke softly, dream-like. Virgil nodded, a wistful look in his eyes as he snuggled somehow closer to his now fiancé. 

“We sure did.”

Somehow laying together on the bathroom floor was more intimate than he could have ever possibly imagined, just speaking softly, holding each other. Because despite his fears, things had worked out. They’d made a decision that would change things for forever, and Patton had proposed. Truly, he did feel like the luckiest man in the world, and for once, he didn’t feel like his existence was a mistake. Right now, it seemed as if it was a blessing.

=+=


End file.
